A Year to Forget
by dwparsnip
Summary: An elaboration on some of my drabbles concerning parts of Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles. What did Rick and Lisa go through in the year between the Regent's attack and Edwards' death? Spoiler alert for Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles.
1. Chapter 1

Alrighty then…here's what happens when my Sit. Room muse decides to take a holiday and a very good friend asks a question or two or three. I was asked to elaborate on a couple of my drabbles based on the 'Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles' and 'The Shadow Chronicles" that dealt with Lisa's injuries and the aftermath. Here's what I've come up with so far. It picks up after the SDF-3 is hit by the Regent and Rick orders Vince to get him to the SDF-3.

**So, that being said, this fic contains ****spoilers**** for 'Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles.'**

I don't own Robotech or any or any of its characters. Everything Robotech belongs to Harmony Gold as far as I know.

It only takes thirty seconds to tell me that you like it or it sucks. If you read this, please take the thirty seconds to let me know on which side of the fence you landed on.

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Rick gripped the control panel until his fingers cried out in pain, and even then he loosened his grip only a fraction. He had to try very hard to keep from snapping at everyone around him to get the landing craft to go faster, to get them to the SDF-3 quicker; he knew they were zooming through space as fast as they could.

His heart had stopped when he saw the SDF-3 take the devastating hit from the Regent's ship. The minute part of his mind that hadn't immediately flooded with heart constricting worry for Lisa knew that the shot was cataclysmic; that many people had died and were dying even as he ordered Vince to get them to the ship so they could help.

Through the fear and anger that clouded his mind, he heard Vince give the order to send out a shuttle with a rescue team aboard. He wanted very badly to be on that shuttle, to go and find Lisa and make sure she was all right, to hold her tightly in his arms and feel her strong heart beat against his own.

But he knew he couldn't go on the first or second shuttle; he'd have to wait. Those first shuttles would have to carry those most qualified and capable of helping those aboard the SDF-3: medical teams, including Jean, for the wounded and engineers to implement emergency repairs, without which the situation could deteriorate very rapidly.

There would be no room for Admirals.

Instead, he would have to wait and try not to think about the horrifying possibility that Lisa was hurt or maybe even…

"_No!!!!!"_ he screamed at himself. _"I will not think like that!"_

He turned around and looked at the sensor readouts, trying to concentrate on anything but the possibilities. The Regent's shot hit the Reflex Canon; the power discharge that should have been forced through the canon's power conduit system and expelled through the canon's focusing lens was released within the SDF-3. Without the augmentation provided by the lens the discharge wasn't at full capacity, but it was still destructive.

The energy exploded outward, shattering the hull and exposing the interior to the coldness of space. Other parts of the ship had experienced explosions and fires.

Vince seemed to sense what Rick was trying to do. "Looks like she's on emergency power," he commented tightly. "Some decks don't even have that working. The comm. system isn't working either…could be because of the spotty power. Shuttle bays are clear, though. Thank God for that." Vince put his right hand on Rick's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It doesn't look like the Bridge was directly hit …the forward Engineering section took the direct hit."

"_The Bridge wasn't __**directly**__ hit," _repeated Rick internally, emphasizing directly. No it wasn't directly hit, but with secondary and tertiary explosions… Rick took a shaky breath. "That doesn't mean…"

"Shuttle Two just landed, sirs," reported the comm. officer. "Should I have another shuttle get ready?"

Rick was out the door running towards the landing ship's shuttle bay before the man had finished asking the question. He ran through the corridors of the ship, rushing past those who managed to get out of his way without any type of acknowledgement, and roughly pushing aside those who got in his way.

He made it to the bay and stopped just inside the door to survey the landing grid in an attempt to determine the shuttle closest to the bay doors. He found the appropriate shuttle quickly and ran towards it as fast as he could, an ingrained need to find Lisa overriding any thoughts of taking his time in the name of safety or protocol. He approached the shuttle, only vaguely aware that people were hurrying inside as well, and when he flew through the door he pushed past some engineers and turned towards the cockpit. The pilot and copilot's seats were empty and he vaulted into the pilot's seat without a second thought. He just flipped the switch that would close the shuttle doors when Vince slipped silently into the copilot seat.

"This is Shuttle Three," said Vince as he looked over to check on Rick's progress with the start-up process. "We're good to go."

Rick didn't wait and had the shuttle half way out the bay doors when the response came back telling them that they were clear to leave.

They were close enough to the SDF-3 by that time to see the ship, spewing atmosphere and plasma from ruptured sections, almost immediately after they cleared the bay doors. As they got closer, Rick glanced back and forth between the shuttle readouts and the all but dead SDF-3. The ship was torn open in the forward lower sections, and there were places in the upper section that had the telltale signs of explosive decompressions, most likely caused by power spikes throughout the power grid._ "My God,"_ he said to himself, awestruck at the condition of the ship that was his home. _"Lisa…"_

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Vince try to raise the ship.

"Shuttle Three to SDF-3, do you read?" he tried. As expected there was no response from the mighty vessel. "Shuttle Three to Shuttle Two…Lieutenant Warburg, do you copy?"

'Affirmative, Commander,' came the instant reply. 'Rescue ops are underway, sir. You're clear to land.'

"Roger that, Lieutenant. We'll be there in a minute."

'Yes, sir.'

"Okay, Rick, let's go," said Vince anxiously.

Rick tried to move but he couldn't. His eyes and attention were fixed upon the SDF-3. The area of the ship that housed the Bridge…it was open to space! The bulkheads that usually enclosed and protected the Bridge had peeled back like a banana peel.

"Rick!"

Rick shook himself out of it and maneuvered the shuttle towards the hangar bay. A minute later the shuttle lurched forward as it set down on the deck and Rick jumped out of the pilot seat and bolted towards the door. It was still opening when he reached it, but that only slowed him down for an instant, as he jumped through when it was open enough for him to fit.

He hit the deck at a dead run. He ran out of the bay towards the bridge, ignoring the medical and damage control personnel milling about everywhere he went. He saw the damage as he ran along, and smelled the burned wiring, but he didn't care about any of it.

Lisa was all that was on his mind, until he turned a corner and was assailed by the pungent stench of burnt flesh. It was so palpable that he brought up solid and he looked at the scene before him. Even in the dull red din of the emergency lighting he could see four bodies, all badly burned and laying on the deck in varying positions.

He treaded slowly through the carnage, careful not to step on any of them. For a second he wondered why they would have been in this section of the ship, but then a sign on the left bulkhead caught his attention and he understood: Fire Station. These four people had made it to a fire suppression station in a heroic attempt to extinguish a fire that eventually killed them. He made it to the end of the corridor and took a last look back, out of respect more than a need to see them. He didn't recognize any of them; he couldn't they were so badly disfigured, but they were still his people.

With a respectful salute he turned and continued his rapid trek to the bridge, purposefully ignoring the sickened and frightened part of his mind that was telling him all too loudly that a sight similar to the one he just saw in the corridor could be waiting for him near the Bridge.

Even with emergency power the lifts were still working, thankfully. He headed for the lift that would take him to the level that held the Bridge, thankful that no one else was in it. The lift came to life when he punched the button for the Bridge and a moment later he sprinted out of it. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest, and his stomach felt as though it was boiling.

He'd hoped with all of his soul to find her barking orders at everyone to get the injured to safety, he truly did. His heart, already beating faster than it ever had before, nearly exploded when he turned the corner.

Lisa was on a gurney, her uniform tunic removed, her head bandaged and an IV already in her arm. Jean was hovering over her and she looked up when he called Lisa's name.

"Lisa!"

He ran to her and took her hand, immediately disgusted at the fact that he had been wearing a flight suit that included gloves. He wanted to feel her hand, skin on skin, just to be sure…

"We've managed to stabilize her!" exclaimed Jean in a voice thick with worry.

Rick looked at Lisa, and the sight of blood running from her nose and the small cut on her cheek chilled him to the bone. "Lisa! Lisa can you hear me!?"

Jean moved closer to him and said, "I think she'll make it," she put her hand on his arm and squeezed it to emphasize the extreme importance of what she was about to say, "but we've got to get her to Sickbay now!"

Rick looked up and announced with all the authority the Admiral stripes he had could muster, "Move!"

He continued to hold Lisa's hand as he helped to move the gurney along the dimly lit corridors. He looked down to Lisa's face every few seconds, all too aware of the fact that her hand didn't squeeze or hold his; it simply lay limply within his frightened grip.

They reached Sickbay just as the auxiliary power kicked in, bringing the ship's illumination up to normal. Jean steered them towards one of the trauma rooms and shouted instructions to her staff including, much to his mortification, a call for the crash cart. When they reached the room Jean stopped and forced Rick to let go of Lisa, then told the medics to go on into the room with Lisa. He was about to protest when Jean shook her head, placed her right hand on his cheek and said a soft but very stern, "No."

He swallowed and Jean nodded, turning after she did so to go into the trauma room, and shutting the door behind her.

Rick's chest felt heavy, as though he were being sat on by a full sized Zentraedi in Power Armor. He tried to take in a breath, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He staggered back against the nearest wall and tried to breathe. His mouth opened time and again, but only a fraction of the amount of air he normally inhaled actually made it inside his lungs.

"Easy, Rick…she'll be okay," said Vince as he grabbed Rick's right arm.

Rick looked into Vince's eyes and saw a confidence in them that was blessedly fortifying. Rick didn't know if Vince truly believed his words or not, but like all the great commanders in history what mattered was what he portrayed, not what he believed. It was what Rick needed to see and hear, and Vince knew that.

His breathing started to come a little easier and Vince nodded.

"She looked so fragile, Vince," said Rick with a hint of a sob. "She looked so," he struggled to find a description that explained what he was thinking but stayed with, "fragile. I've never seen her like that."

"Jean's the best, Rick…you know that."

Rick nodded. He stepped back closer to the wall to allow two male orderlies pushing a gurney to pass. The gurney was half way past him when a small hand shot out from the gurney and grabbed his right forearm. The hand was bloodied, but the grip was strong, strong enough to even pull him towards the gurney.

He stepped closer and looked at the person on the gurney, a person he recognized as Lisa's third officer, Lieutenant Commander Maria Santos, someone who would have been on the bridge with Lisa at the time of the attack. Her eyes were wide open and her hand was trembling, though still holding onto him tightly. Her right cheek was bruised and there was a small cut on her forehead and her uniform showed evidence of being singed by extreme heat, but otherwise she appeared to have been very lucky.

"The Admiral?" she asked hoarsely.

Rick forced a smile and said as calmly as he could manage, "Dr. Grant is checking her out, but she says Lisa will be fine." He knew that wasn't exactly what Jean said, but it was what Santos needed to hear.

Relief flashed across her soot-streaked features. "She got us all out…Admiral." She took a breath, a raspy one, and it was then that Rick realized she must have inhaled a lot of smoke. "She could have been safe…but she stayed…to make sure we all got out." Tears filled Santos' eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "And then there was an explosion. She's going…to be okay, sir?"

Emotion clogged Rick's throat for a moment; pride at what Lisa had done, fear for her life, respect for what Santos was doing…it all added up. He forced it away for the sake of the young woman looking at him so intently. He smiled at her and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You bet your ass, Lieutenant. And so are you." Rick leaned closer to her and whispered, "You go get checked out, and don't go hitting on these guys along the way."

Santos smiled in relief and genuine amusement. "Aye, sir."

Rick smiled back and glanced at the two orderlies, who got the implied message. Santos released Rick's hand and the orderlies pushed the gurney away.

Rick watched them go and said to Vince, "She stayed." He turned to look at Vince and said louder, "She stayed on the Bridge with God knows what going on in there!" Rick walked a few feet away and started to pace along the corridor. "What the hell was she thinking, Vince? She's pregnant! She should have been the first to get out!"

Vince shook his head and looked at Rick. "But then she wouldn't be the Admiral, Rick."

Vince's words struck a cord in Rick and he stopped pacing. He opened his mouth to retort that being the Admiral didn't matter, but he knew that it did matter…it mattered a lot to Lisa and the men and women who looked to her to be their guiding light. Rick shook his head slowly from side to side as he said, "No…no she wouldn't." The anger he had been feeling at her for not thinking about herself and their baby melted away just like that and he walked back to stand next to Vince outside the trauma room. "And she wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with."

Vince smiled and looked around. The place was starting to fill up with the wounded and he'd be in the way pretty soon.

Rick managed to notice the same thing happening. "Why don't you go and get some kind of damage report started, Vince."

Vince nodded and started to leave, but something stopped him. He turned around and found Rick rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. Vince opened his mouth to ask Rick if he'd be all right when Rick said, "I'll be fine, Vince." Rick lowered his hands to his sides and added, "We need to know what we're dealing with."

Rick watched Vince nod and then turn around and leave.

Rick turned to look at the door which separated him from his wife and willed it to open. He seriously overestimated the force of his will it seemed, for the door remained closed.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall and looked up to the ceiling. She looked so pale, and the more he thought about it the more he realized he couldn't tell if she had even been breathing. His heart started racing and he turned once again towards the door.

"_Calm down, Rick!" _ he shouted inwardly as he fought to keep from barging into the trauma room. _"Jean would have said if Lisa wasn't breathing. Get a grip, Rick…you're going to need to stay calm."_

Rick took a deep breath and let it out in another sigh. He had never been good at waiting, especially where Lisa was concerned. He always hated waiting for her to get home, whether she had gone shopping or had gone out with Miriya and Jean. He hated waiting for her to get off work, even though he usually got home only a few minutes before her. He simply hated being away from her.

And it was driving him crazy. He couldn't take it anymore and walked to the door, but pulled up short of opening it. He knew he couldn't go in. He couldn't distract Jean from caring for Lisa; doing that would only hurt Lisa in the long run.

He groaned in frustration and turned away from the door. The last time he'd been in the Sickbay for a reason other than Lisa's appointment with Jean concerning her pregnancy was several months earlier. One of their cruisers patrolling the outer sectors came under attack, and though they managed to escape they received numerous casualties, most of which were transferred to the SDF-3 while the cruiser underwent repairs.

Rick smiled as he remembered coming down to Sickbay with Lisa. Actually, as he recalled, he'd been dragged down by Lisa, who said that she wanted to check on the wounded with her own eyes. He'd protested, which in retrospect he realized was perhaps insensitive of him, but Lisa had insisted.

He was glad she did. She'd walked into the Sickbay and immediately helped a woman settle into a wheelchair. She never gave it a second thought, she just dove right in and did her best to help in any way she could.

He'd followed her for the next hour as she made her way throughout the Sickbay, taking time to stop and chat with each and every injured officer. She would stop and make sure they didn't need anything, and if they did she saw to it that they got what they needed, even getting it herself a few times. If they were settled, she asked them their name and what they did aboard ship. And of course, she said exactly the right thing to give them hope.

She was every bit the Admiral of the Fleet. But more than that, she was every bit the woman he loved so dearly. He saw her immediate and unconditional compassion for others in the way she talked to and helped those people.

And that was what the men and women currently filling the Sickbay needed. They needed her to walk amongst them and tell them that they were going to be okay and that they weren't alone. Lisa wasn't there…but he was.

He walked over to the nearest gurney and looked at the young woman laying on it. Her right eye was covered with a white bandage that was starting to turn red and she had several cuts along her cheeks and arms.

He smiled when she looked up at him with her good eye, and to his relief she smiled back. "How you holding up, Lieutenant…?" he asked as he laid his hand on her left shoulder.

"Johnson, sir…Cathy Johnson. I'm doing okay, sir," she replied unconvincingly. Rick could tell by the strain in her voice that she was in incredible pain.

He nodded and patted her shoulder. "Hang in there, Cathy. They'll be with you soon."

The young woman nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Rick nodded back to her and gently patted her shoulder again before leaving to visit the next person in what was a long line of patients. The same sort of scene played out again and again, with Rick offering whatever comfort he could, answering questions about Lisa and trying to sound positive about it all. He had just finished talking to the last injured person in the hall when the door to the trauma room Lisa had been in opened and Jean emerged looking very drawn. She had a surgical gown on and Rick became queasy again when he saw a large blood stain on the front of the gown.

He all but ran over to Jean as she disposed of her gown and surgical gloves in the nearby incinerator.

"What happened, Jean?" he asked in a rush. "Was that Lisa's blood?"

"What?" asked Jean, perplexed for a moment at the question. "Oh…the gown. Her IV slipped out and I was in the way."

Rick couldn't find it within himself to be relieved. "How is she, Jean?"

Jean looked into Rick's pleading eyes and then looked away quickly to survey the Sickbay. "She's stable, Rick, but she sustained some serious injuries." She looked back to her friend. "She's lucky to be alive, Rick."

Rick opened his mouth to ask what her injuries were, but no matter how hard he tried he simply couldn't form the words.

Jean, intuitive as anyone he had ever met, knew what he wanted to ask. "She most likely has a concussion, we won't know how severe it is until she wakes up. She has several scrapes and bruises along her arms and face…"

She stopped and looked down to her hands which were clasped together in front of her and Rick's stomach flipped again. "Jean?" he whispered. "The baby?"

Jean swallowed hard and said, "As far as we can tell, the baby's fine."

Rick clenched his fists in frustration and anger. "What do you mean as far as you can tell?"

Jean held up her hands to calm Rick down. "The power is still spotty, so we could only get intermittent readings with the scanners. From what we could get that was reliable, the baby appeared to be fine. We'll continue with the scans until we can get a good scan."

"What else, Jean?" asked Rick, sensing that there was still more.

Jean tucked a stray strand of hair behind her right ear and folded her arms across her chest. "Her legs…" said Jean hesitantly, "…they were…they were non-responsive in nerve conductivity tests."

He had no idea what that meant, but judging by the way it was affecting Jean it couldn't have been good. "In English, Jean."

Jean nodded an apology. "Both her legs are broken." She waited for Rick to absorb what must have been shocking information for him. "Her right tibia was fractured in two places, and her left femur was broken at about the mid thigh position…luckily they weren't compound fractures." Jean shook her head as she thought about what must have happened. "Something impacted her legs with tremendous force."

Rick shook his head and staggered a step over to the wall, which he put his left hand on for support. "Impacted her legs?" he muttered disbelievingly.

"That's not all," said Jean regretfully. When Rick looked at her she added, "There's also evidence that she took a blow to her back. There's a very deep bruise on the small of her back and some puffiness that could be an indication of swelling." She stepped over and leaned back against the wall next to Rick. "The nerve conductivity test sends electrical impulses along the nervous system to check whether or not the nerves in any given areas are receiving input from the brain," she explained. "But…there was no response in Lisa's legs."

Rick's head was swimming in technicolor quicksand. "What are you saying, Jean?"

Jean breathed deeply and said as she released the air, "Lisa's legs, either because of the damage caused by the fractures or the blow to her back, aren't working." She pushed off the wall and turned to catch Rick's gaze. "We'll know about what's causing it, and what we have to do to fix it, when we run more tests when the power grid stabilizes. With the scanners not operating at their best we just can't tell if there's any damage to her spine or not."

Rick held up his right index finger and said, "Let me get this straight. Lisa is…paralyzed?"

Numbed by the despair in Rick's voice, Jean could only nod.

Rick blinked his eyes rapidly, as if trying to wake from a terrible nightmare. He sank back against the wall and only barely managed to keep from sliding down the metal wall onto the floor.

"Paralyzed?" muttered Rick in disbelief. "No, Jean, that can't be…you've got to be wrong!" He turned to face her and reached over and grabbed his friend by the shoulders. "She can't be paralyzed, Jean. She can't!"

The widening of Jean's eyes told Rick that he'd lost it a little. He looked to his hands gripping Jean's shoulders and took them away quickly, shocked that he'd grabbed her so roughly. He stepped back and once again leaned back against the wall.

"I'm sorry, Jean," he whispered remorsefully.

"It's okay," said Jean when she found her voice. "Rick…the paralysis could be temporary. You mustn't jump to conclusions, mustn'tassume the worst." She moved to stand in front of Rick and took his face in her small hands. "Do you hear me, Rick? We just don't know enough yet. You have to be strong and you have to stay positive…for Lisa, Rick. No matter what's causing it, she'll have a long and hard recovery. She's going to need you."

Rick focused on Jean and what she was saying. She was right, of course. Lisa would need him. He had to be strong for her. "Can I see her?"

Jena nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile that even shone in her eyes. "Of course you can. They're going to move her to a private room further in Sickbay. It will give you both more privacy and comfort." She gestured to his flight suit and said, "It's going to take a few minutes. Why don't you go and change and clean up? She'll be settled by the time you get back."

Rick knew there was no arguing with Jean, especially when she made a lot of sense. He nodded once and walked a little unsteadily to the door. He opened it and turned back to where Jean was watching him. "Thank you, Jean…for everything."

Jean smiled and said, "You're welcome. And don't worry, Rick. I'm going to do everything in my power to help Lisa."

Rick managed a small smile. "I know, Jean." He walked out into the main corridor and made his way to his quarters. It took longer than it should have taken, the damage to the most direct route made the way impossible, meaning he had to find an alternate route. The trip afforded him the opportunity to see some of the damage, not that he really paid close attention to any of it. All he could think about was Lisa and their baby. When he reached their quarters he walked into his bedroom, changed and walked out again. By the time he got back to Sickbay, Lisa was in her own room.

He took off his uniform jacket and placed it on the back of the chair, and then stat down to watch over the woman he loved more than life itself.

He was there for a couple of hours when Vince knocked on the door.

The bigger man stayed in the doorway, unwilling to intrude on his friends any more than he had to. "Admiral," he said professionally, "the SDF-3 is in bad shape. There's extensive structural damage and the feedback from the reflex canon overloaded nearly every relay on the ship and wiped out the fold drives too. She's not going anywhere for a while, against Edwards, the Regent, or even back to Earth. We're stuck here." When Rick never even acknowledged the report Vince said his name to make sure he was listening. "Rick?"

Without turning away from Lisa Rick said, "I heard you, Vince…I heard."

Uncertain as to what to do or say, Vince simply hung his head and said quietly, "Rick…if there's anything I can do…"

"I'll let you know," whispered Rick without taking his eyes of his wife's still form. "Thanks, Vince."

Vince sighed softly and left his friends alone with each other, closing the door to give them the privacy they so richly deserved for what they were going through. He maneuvered through his wife's domain, Sickbay, being careful not to accidentally impact any of the dozens of wounded men and women in the hallways. The sheer number of personnel injured forced that course of action, placing people on gurneys in the halls. The rooms, including the trauma and triage rooms, were occupied with victims of the Regent and Edwards.

"Hey you," came a familiar voice and it automatically made him smile, despite the pain and suffering going on around him. For a moment he felt guilty about it, but then shunted it aside when he realized that no one here would begrudge him a little happiness.

He turned to see a tired looking Jean walking up to stand beside him. She flashed him the same type of smile that he knew was on his own face and then looked around at her Sickbay.

"We've evacuated the injured that could be moved safely to Tirol," she explained without having to be asked. She knew Vince, with Rick watching Lisa and most of the senior officers that were on the bridge at the time of the attack dead or injured, was the most senior officer aboard and in charge. "Even with them gone we still have too many to deal with." She glanced around and noticed one of the women from the science department changing a bandage on one of the injured. "Everyone who has had any sort of medical training is helping out."

Vince nodded as he took in the scene before him. He'd never seen anything like it, not even after Khyron's final attack on the SDF-1.

"Have you heard from Max or Miriya?" asked Jean.

"They'll be here in a few days," Vince replied. The Sterlings had been securing support from some of the Sentinel worlds and had been forced to seek refuge aboard one of the other ships and had as yet been unable to return to the SDF-3. Vince lowered his voice. "How is she?"

There was no doubt about whom Vince was asking about and Jean's eyes instantly clouded over with tears. She glanced around, then pulled Vince into a small nook of the Sickbay that was too small to hold anything but a crash cart. Unfortunately, the crash cart had been needed so much that its new residence was just outside Trauma One. "Stable, but she's not good, Vince." Jean took a deep breath, remembering what had been done to her friend which was trying for her to say the least. "She suffered severe trauma to both of her legs, her back, a concussion and some minor internal bleeding…"

"The baby?" asked Vince louder than he meant. He instantly looked around to see if anyone overheard him, and sighed in relief when he saw that no one had.

Jean shook her head as she said, "Too early to tell. I need to run some more tests, but most of the equipment we have was either damaged or is being run at its limit." Just then the lights dimmed for a second and Jean looked up and said with frustration in her voice, "And the power keeps fading in and out!"

"They're working on it," Vince commented automatically and earned a dirty look from his wife. "In regards to Lisa," said Vince with some amusement in his voice, "she's the Admiral, Jean. I think she deserves to jump to the front of the line a little."

Jean gave her husband a wry look. "You know very well, Vince, that if I did that she'd have my commission."

Vince smiled in agreement, closed his eyes and said a short prayer for Lisa and the unborn Hunter. Rick and Lisa were both looking forward to being parents, it would be devastating to them both if something happened. He just finished when an announcement came over the intercom.

'Captain Grant report to Engineering, please. Captain Grant to Engineering.'

He was about to apologize to Jean when she looked at him with understanding shining in her violet eyes and said, "Go."

Vince smiled, nodded and then headed to Engineering to hear what was almost certainly more bad news.

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Rick waited until he knew Vince was gone and then wiped away the tears that had been gathering in his eyes with the back of his hand. Jean still hadn't been able to tell him much in the lines of specifics about Lisa's injuries, between the power problems and the volume of patients she had. She had probably been the busiest person in the fleet for the last little while, and he knew that Jean would tell him immediately if she knew something new about Lisa or the baby.

His eyes rose up to gaze upon the familiar face of the woman he loved so much. She looked so peaceful lying there. In fact, the only difference between her now and the hundreds of times that he watched her sleeping was the fact that now she had a white bandage wrapped around her head and the small cut on her left cheek, just below the eye he'd give so much to see open right now.

Then of course, there was the monitoring equipment and it's steady beeping. He wasn't a doctor, or even a medic for that matter, but he'd spent enough time in hospitals to pick up on a few things, like Lisa's heart rate was steady. It was reassuring to him to hear her heart beat so rhythmically, even after she'd experienced so much pain.

Not for the first time since he sat down next to her he wished that it had been him on the bridge and not her; wished he was the one lying in that bed and not her; wished that they would have been able to live their lives without the constant threat and the pain. He wished for those things so much it hurt.

He reached over with trembling hands and pulled back the blanket that was covering his wife just enough to be able to take her hand in his. He caressed her perfect skin gently, suddenly aware of how fragile their existence was; suddenly aware of how their lives could be changed in the blink of an eye.

He'd never seen her injured so badly. And paralyzed? How would Lisa deal with that? How would he deal with that?

He had no idea.

He just knew that he would.

He would do anything for her.

He never paid any attention to the constant parade of nurses who came in to check on Lisa. He'd heard every word they had spoken to him in the hours since he first sat down beside her, but like Vince's comments of a few moments earlier, he just couldn't bring himself to care.

The only person he truly cared about at the moment wasn't opening her eyes, and that scared him like he'd never been scared before.

A soft knock on the door made him instinctively tighten his hold on Lisa's hand protectively. Without turning away from Lisa or loosening his hold on her hand he said just barely loud enough for the new arrival to hear, "Enter."

The door opened slowly. "I'm very sorry to disturb you, Admiral," began Reinhardt's aide, Lieutenant Dellar, "but the General ordered me to tell you that the Council will be convening tomorrow afternoon to discuss the situation, and that the Council would like you and Captain Grant to attend. He would also like for you and Captain Grant to meet with him in the morning, sir, to go over some of the information that will be discussed at the Council meeting."

Rick was tempted to tell Dellar to tell Reinhardt where he and the Council could go and how to get there, but Lisa stopped him. Or more to the point, what he imagined Lisa would say stopped him.

"_Go, Rick,"_ she'd say with that dazzling smile of hers. _"I'm okay and you need to be there. We need to be heard, Rick. Don't let them make a decision without us."_

"Sir…"

"I'll be there, Lieutenant," Rick said quietly. "Inform Captain Grant to have a shuttle ready for us at 0800, and tell General Reinhardt we should be down shortly thereafter."

"Yes, sir," said Dellar, and then he turned and exited the room, gently closing the door behind him.

Rick tuned his complete attention back to Lisa, tracing the lines of her face with his eyes, from her chin to her lips to her nose. He wondered briefly if there was an inch of her beautiful face that he hadn't, at one time or another, kissed, and he smiled when he realized there probably wasn't.

Rick continued to caress Lisa's hand with his left hand as his right hand moved up to Lisa's belly. She wasn't far enough along in her pregnancy to show, so her stomach was still its usual flat self. Still, he didn't actually dare rest his hand upon her abdomen for fear of hurting her.

Rick sighed and closed his eyes. He was tired, but he had no idea if it was from the emotional roller coaster he'd been on, the attack from Edwards and the Regent or the time on night.

He opened his eyes and glanced around the room looking for a clock as he said aloud, "I wonder what time it is anyway."

"It's one thirty in the morning, sir," answered a nurse as she closed the door. He hadn't even heard the door open in the first place, let alone hear the woman actually step inside.

"Dr. Grant asked me to inform you of the time, sir, and suggest that you go home to get some sleep, sir," she stated somewhat timidly, more than aware of the fact that people of higher rank would not be able to get Rick Hunter to leave his wife's side for the sake of sleep.

"Thank you, but I'm staying here."

The nurse nodded, unable to miss the determination in his voice. She opened the door to leave and said, "There's a cot outside the door, sir, if you'd like it set up."

For the first time in what seemed to Rick to be a very long time, he smiled. He looked to the nurse, and then glanced meaningfully around the room. "Thank you nurse, but I don't think a cot will fit in here."

The nurse smiled back and relaxed a little. "No, sir…I guess not." She turned to leave but stopped and faced Rick again. "Admiral?"

Rick raised his eyebrows and the nurse said softly, "We're all praying for her, sir. And you."

Rick's throat became dry at the sentiment and all he could manage was a grateful nod. The nurse seemed to understand and nodded back, then left Rick and Lisa alone once again.

"You hear that?' he asked Lisa when he turned back to resume his vigil over her. "Everyone's pulling for you." Rick reached down with his right hand, grabbed the chair and then lifted himself up enough to pull the chair closer to Lisa's bed. He leaned forward to rest his arms on the bed next to her and leaned in as close as he could get to her face. "You're going to be okay, Lisa…you hear me?" He smiled and reached over with his right hand and ran his fingers gently up and down her pale cheek. "We're going to be okay. We're going to end this madness and enjoy the rest of our lives as parents."

Parents. It still boggled his mind a little, the fact that he was going to be a father.

And that was the last thought that went through his mind as he laid his weary head next to his wife's and closed his eyes.

--------------------------------------------

Rick woke, not that he slept solidly by any stretch of the imagination, to someone calling his name.

He bolted upright in the chair, able to ignore the painful protests of his neck and back with the belief, the fervent hope, that it had been Lisa calling out to him.

It was to Lisa that he immediately looked through bleary eyes, and his heart sank when he saw that she was still in the same position she had been in when he last looked at her, and even more to the agonizing point for Rick she was still unconscious.

He ignored the hand gently, and sympathetically he knew, pressed upon his shoulder as he wiped the sleep from his eyes so that he could focus on Lisa.

Her color was still the same. Her skin was still pale, and her lips still didn't have their usual glow about them. And her eyes…her eyes were still closed.

"Are you okay, Rick?" asked a very concerned Vince.

"No," he answered honestly, and from Vince's silence he knew that he understood that he meant he wouldn't be okay until Lisa woke up.

"The shuttle is ready to leave when you are, Rick," Vince said. "Why don't you go and throw on a fresh uniform. I'll stay with Lisa until you're ready."

Rick ignored Vince for a moment, stood up and then leaned down towards Lisa. "Lisa," he whispered next to her ear, "Lisa, please wake up." He knew his voice had a desperate tone to it, but he didn't care. He was desperate to see her emerald gaze locked onto him again and to see her smile. When she didn't respond he carefully pulled the blanket up over Lisa a little more and made sure it was tucked securely around her. "I have to go, Lisa," he said, trying to keep the worry from his voice. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Rick lifted his head and kissed Lisa's forehead as tenderly as he knew how. He let his lips move against her skin there as he whispered, "I love you."

He lifted his lips from her forehead and turned away before he lost the bit of courage he'd built up to help him to leave and walked swiftly to the door. He took the handle in his hand and said to Vince as he opened it, "Give me fifteen minutes, Vince, then meet me on the hangar deck."

"Yes, sir," replied Vince as Rick walked through the door.

Rick made his way through the Sickbay, stopping a couple of times to utter words of encouragement to some of the injured that hadn't been there when he'd went around the previous evening.

Once through Sickbay, he made his way to his quarters. The way was clearer than it had been the last time he made the trek, engineering and clean up crews having worked through the night. Even with their impressive work, some sections were still cordoned off and he still had to detour in some places.

The farther away he got from Sickbay, something else bubbled up within his chest, something dark: revenge.

He was going to make Edwards and the Regent pay for this, and pay dearly.

He walked into his quarters, his and Lisa's quarters, and stopped for a moment. The first thing he saw was their wedding picture on the wall. It was the happiest day of his life, the day he married Lisa. The mission to Tirol loomed ahead of them, but they were happy. Now, he wasn't sure if…

He shook those thoughts from his mind as he changed into a clean uniform and ran a face cloth over his face. It wasn't long before he made his way to the hangar deck, which was still bustling with activity.

He found Vince waiting for him by the shuttle.

"We're ready when you are, Rick," he said as Rick walked up to him.

Rick simply nodded and walked onto the shuttle. He sat in the first seat and Vince sat next to him.

Vince waited until the shuttle had left the SDF-3 to say, "Breetai sends word that his forces stand ready to assist us in the pursuit of Edwards, and that he has every confidence that Lisa will recover."

Rick genuinely smiled at that. Breetai had been fond of Lisa ever since their first encounter, and rightfully so. Lisa was the best example of what a human should be for a Zentraedi: intelligent, brave, skillful, kind and loving - the total package.

Rick looked over his shoulder and frowned as he realized there was someone missing on the flight. "Where's Jean, Vince?"

Vince glanced at Rick before turning his gaze back to the papers he had resting on his lap. "She's coming down later. She wanted to check on Lisa and run some more tests."

Rick nodded, and then looked out the shuttle window at the passing stars and his thoughts drifted back to Lisa. He tried to remember all the good times they had, but there were simply too many to think about in the short time he had to watch the stars. Instead he fondly remembered a few of the watershed moments in their life together, such as their first completely consensual kiss as a couple, the first time they made love and the launch of the SDF-3. Through the years, through all the good times and the very few bad times, Lisa hadn't really changed that much. Sure she'd changed in some ways with the years, everyone did, but she never changed in the ways that really mattered. As far as he was concerned, the Lisa he just left in the Sickbay of the SDF-3 was the exact same Lisa he fell in love with, she'd simply grown more beautiful as she got older.

But she never looked more beautiful than she did on that magical day when they physically connected after they moved in together in Monument. The look on her face when he walked into their house and made his intentions known, that sure and confident look that told him that what they were about too do was perfectly right for them, easily erased the last morsel of doubt he might have had. The taste of her lips, the feel of her sweat dampened skin against his and the feel of her touch was beyond incredible, both emotionally and physically. The loving and trusting way that she looked at him, from the second she saw him in their living room to the time they spent together afterwards just added to her beauty.

It was cliché he knew, but it was true.

It was such a tactile and pleasant memory that he unconsciously rubbed his right arm where Lisa's nails, in the throes of their physical activity, dug into his arm with enough pressure to tear his skin and draw blood from him. It wasn't until the shuttle landed on the tarmac with a jolt that he realized what he was doing, and he looked over to see Vince respectfully looking at some papers he had on his lap.

"Will the whole council be there, Vince?" asked Rick after a moment, and he immediately regretted it when Vince flinched.

"Yes," he said quietly, "except for Lisa."

Rick nodded again and turned his attention back to the window. He could see Reinhardt waiting for them on the tarmac, his face grim. When the shuttle came to a stop a moment later, Rick stood up and said, "Let's get this over with."

--------------------------------------------

The meeting dragged on for much longer than Rick had hoped it would, and his anxiousness ratcheted up to a fever pitch when Jean walked into the meeting an hour after it had started. She didn't say anything, except to apologize for her tardiness, but the look that she gave Vince and the way that she avoided looking at him scared him. The only thing that kept him from ignoring everything else and going over to talk to her was the knowledge that if something life threatening had happened to Lisa, Jean would have told him.

Still, it didn't keep him from tapping his foot nervously under the table and losing focus on what was being said by Reinhardt and the others. In fact, he was having a hard time thinking about anything other than Lisa…and Edwards.

What he said in the meeting was true. Edwards had it in for the Council, and later the Sentinels, from the get go. But to spend years hording alien technology while REF personnel died liberating the Sentinel worlds from the Invid was insane.

And it was infuriating.

Reinhardt ended the meeting, but before Rick could go to Jean to check on Lisa, L'ron and the other Sentinels surrounded him and offered their best wishes for Lisa. He appreciated their sentiments, he really did, but the last thing he wanted to do was to listen to them when Jean stood only a few feet away.

Some movement from where he last saw Jean standing caught his eye. He looked over and noticed Jean walking out of the room with Vince in tow. He excused himself as quickly as he could and walked swiftly to the same door that the Grants had just exited.

He found Jean and Vince just outside the door on one of the balconies that encircled the main building apparently waiting for him. As he got closer to them, he could see something in Jean's eyes that he didn't see very often: profound sadness.

Dread gripped at him, and for a moment everything faded to black around him and his legs seemed to have been enveloped in cement. He kept walking towards them however, and the world around him came back into focus, including a brilliantly setting sun that Lisa would have loved to see.

"Rick," said Jean. He could tell from the timid tone of her voice that something wasn't right.

"Jean, how's Lisa?"

"I had to move her down here to the base infirmary to run additional tests…there was just too much damage to the SDF-3 to keep her there, what with all the power fluctuations."

"Is she…?"

"Don't worry. She's going to recover."

"Thank God for that. You know, I was looking forward to Lisa finally resigning her commission after she found out that she was pregnant, and none too soon it seems. You really can't be an Admiral and a…mother…"

He trailed off and then stopped altogether when Jean lowered her eyes to the balcony floor. When she looked at him again a moment later, her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Sensing his wife's distress, Vince placed a massive hand supportively upon her shoulder.

Jean took in a sharp breath. "Rick...she lost the baby."


	2. Chapter 2

Well, here it is…another chapter. Perhaps my little muse is here for a longer visit this time and I'll get some more done in short order.

Thanks to everyone who has read it so far and has waited so long for this update.

--

Rick's eyes opened wide in disbelief and shock. He tried to speak, to beg Jean to tell him that he didn't hear her say what he thought she said, but no sound passed his lips, save for the whisper caused by his rapid intake of breath. He knew he heard her correctly. Their baby was gone; in the proverbial blink of an eye a precious innocent baby was lost due to the actions of a traitorous madman.

Rick's legs turned to jelly, the normally solid mass of muscle and bone reduced to near nothingness by Jean's overwhelming announcement. He staggered forward and as his left hand grabbed onto the balcony rail for dear life, his right hand went up to his head in a vain attempt to stave off the horrifying reality of his loss. He felt Jean and Vince's hands settle on his back in a show of support, but the gesture was lost on him.

Lisa was going…

Lisa!

Rick turned sharply to Jean, who started in surprise at Rick's sudden movement towards her.

"Jean," he said in a way reminiscent of how a thirsty man would beg for water, "Lisa? Does she know?"

Jean shook her head sadly. "She hasn't woke up yet." Jean took his right hand in hers and held it supportively. "Her body, Rick, has been through…through a very intense traumatic experience," she closed her eyes and added in a whisper, "even more so now." She opened her eyes again, and though they were moist with tears she managed to keep from actually crying. "It could be a while before she wakes up."

Rick looked at his friend through his own tear filled eyes. "How…how long?"

Jean shrugged her shoulders slightly and sighed in frustration at not being able to give Rick the answers he wanted and needed to hear. "It's hard to say, Rick." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "It could be hours, but it's more than likely to be days, and it could even be weeks."

Rick wriggled his hand out of Jean's grasp and moved with a care that betrayed his unease to the balcony. He placed his hands on the railing and stared out over the Tirolian capital city of Tiresia. The city's lights were beginning to come on with the Tirolian sky switching slowly from day to night. The numerous specks of light gave the alien landscape a serenely beautiful countenance that for once failed to bring any sort of peace to his mind.

Seeing such beauty when he felt so dead inside simply didn't seem right to Rick, so he closed his eyes and lowered his head, bowing before an alien people, bowing under an alien sky.

"How am I going to tell her this?" he asked. He wasn't expecting an answer, either from Jean and Vince, or from any deities that may have existed. "She's going to be so incredibly crushed by this. She..." He hesitated and corrected himself. "We… we wanted this baby so badly it hurt." Rick opened his eyes and gravity compelled the salty water gathered in his eyes to fall downward to splash upon the Tirolian stone balcony. "And now it's gone."

He screwed up his nose at the comment he'd just spoken. He turned to face Jean who was looking at him worriedly. "Boy or girl?" he asked.

Jean had to work very hard to swallow the lump that filled her throat when she heard Rick's heartbreaking question. "Rick…"

"Please, Jean," pleaded Rick. "I can't call the baby 'it', Jean. I need to know if we were going to have a son or a daughter."

Jean hesitated, torn between answering a question that she herself would want answered if their roles were reversed, and sparing Rick any more pain than he was already in.

She did know, of course. A routine cellular scan and DNA workup told her the sex of the fetus. The scans quite clearly showed the presence of both the X and the Y chromosomes in the genetic material.

"A son," she said, unable to meet his gaze. She spoke so softly that she wasn't even sure if Rick could hear her. She knew he did in fact hear her when she finally looked up and saw a very small and melancholy smile on his tired face.

"A son," repeated Rick in an awestruck voice, oblivious for a blissful second to the fact that he smiling for son that he would never see or hold.

But only for a second.

Grief enveloped Rick as he staggered back until his back hit the rail. His arms hung lifelessly by his side as he shook his head slowly, muttering something that neither Vince nor Jean could understand. They didn't need to comprehend the words… the gut wrenching tone more than told them what he was feeling.

Vince and Jean looked at each other worriedly, then focused once more on Rick. It was Vince who spoke.

"Rick?"

Rick looked up to Vince though he never really saw anyone or anything. "A son," he whispered. He cleared his throat and said, "Roy. If we were going to have a son his name was going to be Roy. If it was a girl, her name was going to be Claudia." Rick's vision cleared and he looked into Jean's eyes, now free of tears as they had begun falling freely from her eyes, and then to Vince. "Roy would have been my son's name."

Jean, unashamed by the tears streaming down her cheeks, didn't trust herself to speak. The knowledge that Rick and Lisa were going to name their child after either Roy or Claudia was heart-warming and heart-rending at the same time: heart-warming because it would have been a wonderful legacy for the child to be named after either one of them; heart-rending because now she knew that Rick and Lisa would never know the enjoyment of calling out that revered name to garner the attention of their son.

Seeing the unfettered and profound emotion in Jean, Vince reached over and took her hand, then looked to his friend. "That would have been…I don't know what to say, Rick." When he finished Vince simply held onto Jean's hand and tried to be strong enough for her and Rick.

Rick folded his arms across his chest, took a deep breath and said a little shakily, "It's okay, Vince." Rick gave the bigger man a sad smile. "I wouldn't…know what to say either." He looked up to the stars again. "There was no doubt in our minds, you know." He returned his gaze to his friends and explained. "When Lisa and I found out, we got caught up in the excitement of it all and talked about names." He smiled at the memory, and despite the circumstances, the smile was a happy one. "We both looked to each other at the same time; I blurted out Roy and she blurted out Claudia." Rick raised his right hand unsteadily to his face and wiped away the built up water in his eyes. As he lowered his hand again he said, "And that was it. There was no discussion, let alone argument. Roy would be the name for a boy and Claudia would be the name for a girl." Rick shrugged his shoulders. "It felt so right, so perfect." He shook his head again as he said in a continually decreasing volume, "There was no doubt…"

Jean gave Vince's hand a gentle caress and then let go. She walked over to Rick, and when he looked to her with the eyes of a man who lost so much in so short a time, she reached over and put her arms around his neck and pulled him into as heartfelt an embrace as she could muster.

Rick took a moment, but he finally put his arms around Jean's waist and buried his face into the crook of her neck.

"A son, Jean," he whispered.

Though the sound was soft and muffled against her, Jean could easily discern the anguish in Rick's usually sure and happy voice. Her tears continued to fall as she raised her right hand to the back of Rick's head and said, "I know, Rick. I know."

Rick valiantly held the pressing tidal wave of grief at bay for a few moments longer, but in the end it was simply just too much for him to bear without some sort of release. The barriers broke down and his will gave out as the tears left his eyes to soak into Jean's uniform, and when Jean pulled him even closer and whispered that it was going to be all right, the first of many sobs ripped through his chest and escaped his mouth.

Vince, not wanting to intrude on the very private moment and not wanting anyone else to witness Rick in such a fragile state, walked quietly to the door. Luckily, the few people who had been milling about had already left the balcony. Once inside the building, he positioned himself in the door frame, his massive size easily filling it, in a bid to discourage anyone from attempting to go out onto the balcony.

No one even glanced at him, much less approached him.

He couldn't blame Rick for taking it hard. God knows if it were him he'd react the exact same way. He didn't envy Rick at all, having to go through it by himself for a while, only to have to go through the agony of telling Lisa when she comes out of her unconsciousness.

No, he didn't envy Rick at all.

Vince folded his arms across his chest and adopted a stern expression as Jack Baker and his wingman walked towards him. When the two of them made eye contact with him, he shook his head once. The two younger men immediately and completely received the message and turned around on their heels and began walking in the opposite direction.

Vince scanned the immediate area and found no other approaching bogeys, allowing him to relax a little.

His thoughts drifted back to Rick and Lisa. He couldn't even begin to fathom the pain they were experiencing, and going to experience, the sense of loss that would be with them for the rest of their days. The 'what ifs' and the 'could have beens'.

They were lucky, he and Jean. Bowie had been conceived and born with relative ease, that is to say without complications. He couldn't have asked for anything more from his son.

He sighed and leaned back against the door. Then of course, there was the fleet to add the already sizable load on Rick's shoulders. With Lisa unable to perform her duties for the foreseeable future, those duties fell to Rick. Besides organizing the combat units and formulating attack plans, he would now have to deal with the day to day running of the SDF-3, which was complicated at the best of times, and even more so now that the ship required massive repairs and reconstruction.

No, he certainly did not envy his friend.

--

Rick had lost track of how long he'd been cuddled into Jean, letting all of his grief, anger and pain pour out onto her uniform in the form of his tears. He'd lost track of the number of times he'd asked her why it had to happen. He'd lost track of how many times he wished his son had lived to see him and his beautiful mother. He'd pretty much lost track of everything.

When he finally lifted his head from his friend's soft shoulder, the sun had disappeared below the cityscape, bringing darkness to the physical world around them, a darkness that echoed within Rick himself.

Rick looked into the eyes of his concerned friend. "I'm sor…"

"Don't be sorry, Rick," admonished Jean softly, "you needed that, and I'm glad to help in any way I can." She placed her right hand upon his shoulder in a gesture of support. "Take your time."

Rick shook his head. "No…I have to go and see her, Jean. Now."

Jean nodded, understanding that being with Lisa was as essential to him now as much as breathing was. "Let's go. I want to check on her too."

Rick took a deep breath and started for the door, and when Jean looped her left arm through his he patted her hand appreciatively. They walked through the door and Vince fell into step behind them. Rick's mind was focused on trying to get to the building's main exit, though he did hear Vince speak into his communicator and call for transportation for them to the infirmary.

The trip was a short one, the base infirmary being relatively close to the main building. Rick was oblivious to everything external, so focused was he on what he was feeling. He had never before felt such a sense of loss, not when he lost his parents, not even when he lost Roy and Ben.

Up to now, Rick didn't think anything could hurt so badly.

Before he knew it he was standing next to Lisa's bed. Jean moved in and checked the monitors, then checked Lisa's bandages. Her face was concerned, noted Rick, but no longer anxious as it had been when Lisa had first been injured, which meant that she believed Lisa to be at least a little better. He took some comfort from that, but not much.

"If you need anything, Rick," said Jean quietly.

"Thanks, Jean," replied Rick as he sat down in the chair that had been placed next to Lisa's bed.

Jean left without further comment, and Rick looked to Lisa's face. She was still pale, though not as much as she had been. He didn't know if her color was actually getting better or if he was imagining it, but either way she looked beautiful to him. He sighed and leaned forward to take Lisa's right hand with his left.

He glanced around the room, not surprised at all by the spaciousness of or sparse decorations in the room, nor was he surprised to find a cot set up along the wall opposite of Lisa's bed.

He looked to Lisa again, and this time his eyes found her stomach, her stomach that was now devoid of the life that they had created together. The whole thing was amazing to him really, how a man and a woman could create another life from parts of themselves, the best parts he liked to believe. But now what he had helped to create was gone, thanks to Edwards and the Regent.

He reached over and placed his free hand on her belly, taking some solace in the fact that it was rising and falling with her steady inhales and exhales.

Rick looked up to Lisa's face, still peaceful despite the move from the SDF-3 to Tirol. Lisa was going to be devastated. She had wanted a child for so long. It was easy to see that, especially when she was around Dana and Bowie, and later Maia. Of course, as the Admiral, she was a mother to the fleet in a way, and she always made it clear that if anyone needed someone to talk to, if they needed an outlet, she would be there for them.

But, despite that need of hers to have a child, that desire, she waited until the time that she could devote her time to the child and not have to worry about war and battles.

At least, that was the plan. The campaign against the Invid had taken much longer than had been initially anticipated, as had the reforming of the REF and the preparations to retake the Earth from the Regess. It had taken so long that time was running out for them to have a child. As Jean had explained, the later in a woman's life that she gets pregnant the more risks that are involved.

So they tried, and tried, and tried again. They tried very hard to conceive a child, and when they found out that they had finally succeeded, they were both ecstatic. They had just barely closed the door to their quarters after leaving Sickbay when they started talking about names. It had happened just as he had explained to Jean and Vince, with them saying the names simultaneously. It was followed by hasty protestations by them both that it didn't matter to them if it was a boy or a girl. They were so relieved, so happy and so excited.

Rick's eyes drifted to his hand as it rested on Lisa's abdomen, and as the first tear slipped from his eyes he whispered, "Why, Lisa?" He shook his head gently and asked again, "Why?" He looked up once again to the face he grown so accustomed to seeing. "Why couldn't you just give it up?" The tears were falling freely as a bubble of anger worked its way up through his chest towards his mouth. "Why couldn't you just…"

Rick slammed his mouth shut and closed his eyes tightly, allowing the anger to expand and spread throughout him. Just when he felt as though it was going to swallow him, his conversation with Vince halted its progress.

"_But then she wouldn't be the Admiral, Rick."_

"_No…no she wouldn't. And she wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with."_

The love that accompanied those words and thoughts broke the expanding bubble like a needle sharp pin, and Rick sighed shakily as the anger dissipated.

"_How could I even think like that?"_ Rick asked himself in disgust. _"Lisa is lying there, bruised, battered and broken. How dare I even think of blaming her?"_

He looked back up to Lisa's still face and said with all the love he felt for her, "I'm so sorry, Lisa." He took her hand in both of his and brought it carefully up to his lips. He kissed her hand gently and spoke against her skin. "It isn't your fault, Lisa…none of it."

He knew his Lisa. She would be devastated, and then she would blame herself for their loss, saying that it was her decision to remain on active duty, that it was her choice to be on the bridge of her ship. It would take a long time for her to accept that it wasn't her fault, if ever. And then the grief would come, and knowing Lisa as well as he did her grief would be inconsolable. Still, he would try his damnedest to console her, to help her through it all. _"I swear it!"_ he vowed to himself. He kissed her hand again and repeated to her, "I swear it, Lisa."

With the type of care that one would use with the most delicate of porcelain, Rick laid Lisa's hand down on the bed by her side and placed his left hand over it protectively.

He was so tired.

He should lie down and try to close his eyes and try to recharge his severely depleted batteries, but he didn't want to be away from Lisa. His eyes drifted shut and he felt sleep calling, so he put his right arm on the bed below Lisa's hand then rested his head upon it and fell asleep.

--

"Take us for a quick fly-by of the SDF-3, Lieutenant," ordered Miriya from the cockpit doorway as she peered out through the cockpit window in search of the big ship…or what was left of it. When the pilot of the shuttle responded in the affirmative she walked back into the cabin and made her way to her seat next to Max, who was looking out his window, craning his neck for any glimpse he could get of the ship.

"The pilot is going to take for a look at the ship, Max," she said as she sat down heavily.

Max grunted his acknowledgement and continued to stare out the window, unaware of his wife's concerned gaze.

Lisa was her friend, her best friend in every way that counted. In most ways she was so much than a friend. She was Max's friend too, and Miriya always thought that even if Rick hadn't been friends with Max that Lisa would still be his friend anyway.

"I'm sure she will be all right, Max," assured Miriya somewhat stiffly. She was unaccustomed to being the positive one in their relationship, as Max could usually be counted on to always find the bright spot in any situation. But the near destruction of the SDF-3 and Lisa's serious injuries had left Max a little dazed and uncertain. So it fell to her to try to be the uplifting one. The problem was she didn't feel even close to being as positive as she was trying to sound.

Vince hadn't tried to sound the least bit positive when he called to inform them of the Regent's attack and the condition of the SDF-3. In fact, Vince had been brutally honest about the ship's condition, and when he spoke of Lisa he had been cautiously neutral.

That troubled her, and she could tell that Max was just as worried.

Despite the fact that he warned them that he knew very little of Lisa's condition, she couldn't help but get the feeling that it was very serious. Max seemed to get the same feeling as well, for he ordered immediate transport to Tirol, leaving those around him no room for failure and no room for delay. He wanted to go faster than as soon as possible and she could not recall him ever- how did the saying go?- pull rank like that before.

She reached over with her right hand and grasped Max's hand as it rested on the armrest of the shuttle seat. He turned and gave her a pained smile and turned his hand so that their fingers could wind around each other.

She was about to reassure him again that Lisa would be fine when the comm. panel on the back of the seat ahead of them beeped. Max reached over with his free hand and punched the activation button.

'Sir, ma'am, Commander Grant is on the comm. requesting to speak to one of you. Should I put him through?'

Max glanced to Miriya with a concerned look and then said, "Affirmative, Lieutenant. Make sure the channel is encrypted and secure."

'Yes, sir.'

Max and Miriya waited impatiently until Vince's voice filtered through the speaker.

'Max, Miriya…can you hear me?'

"Yes, Vince, we read you. What's wrong?" Max looked worriedly to Miriya and tried not to lean forward in anticipation.

'Is this line secure?' asked Vince.

Max swallowed the lump in his throat and reflexively tightened his grip on Miriya's hand. "Yes, Vince. Vince is Lisa…?"

'Jean says she's going to recover,' announced Vince. Max and Miriya both sighed in relief and moved to hug each other, until Vince's voice cut through their euphoria and brought them crashing back to reality. 'But she lost the baby.'

Max and Miriya froze in their tracks and turned to look at the comm. channel as though it were the most evil thing in the universe.

When Max was able to speak a moment later the first thing from his lips was, "Say again."

'The trauma was too much,' Vince explained, hesitation and grief making his voice lower and heavier than usual. 'It was…it was just too much for the baby."

This time Max and Miriya did hug, but it was anything but celebratory.

'Rick is,' Vince struggled to find the right words they could tell, 'he's in bad shape. How soon will guys be here?'

Max only just heard what Vince was saying, lost as he was in his own grief and trying as hard as he could to be a consoling presence for Miriya. "Soon," he replied after a moment. He leaned back and looked at Miriya. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his right thumb and rested his forehead against hers. "The pilot was going to take us for a flyby of the ship, but we'll come down now." Max leaned back again and said towards the speaker, "We'll see you soon, Vince."

They heard Vince clear his throat and they became even more nervous, if that was even possible. 'There's more. The baby…Rick knows it was a boy. I thought…I thought it would help you to be prepared…'

Max could hear the pain in the big man's voice. "Understood, Vince. See you soon. Sterling out."

Max reached over and cut the channel, then pressed the intercom button for the cockpit. "Change of plans, Lieutenant," he announced. "Take us directly to the planet at your best speed. We need to get down there now."

'Understood, sir.'

Max cut the line and collapsed back into his seat. He turned his head towards Miriya and saw in her beautiful features the same things that he knew showed on his own face: concern, grief and worry.

He didn't know what to say to her, which was extremely disconcerting. If he didn't know what to say to the woman he loved and had spent most of his adult life with, how the hell was he going to be able to talk to Rick?

--

He was wide awake when Jean walked in to check on Lisa. In fact he'd been up for a while, thinking, thinking and thinking some more about Lisa and what their lives were going to hold for them from now on.

And so it was he couldn't miss the concerned look that came across his friend's face when her cursory glance at the cot told her that he hadn't slept in it.

"I did sleep Jean," he said. It wasn't a lie; he actually had a good rest, despite the cramped nature of the way he slept and the situation. He released Lisa's hand for the first time since he took it in his own hand the night before and stood up to allow Jean better access to her patient.

"I'm glad you did," said Jean as she moved past him. She began what had become over her many years of being a doctor her routine: touch the patient's hand, check the monitors, check pupil dilation, adjust any tubes and or wires that were connected to the patient, adjust the bedclothes around the patient and then touch the patient's hand again.

She tried with all the strength she had amassed over the years to think of Lisa as a patient who needed her to remain objective and professional, but there was no way she could. Lisa was so much more than a patient to her and her family. Lisa was the sister she never had, much as Claudia had been. It was with that thought in her mind that she was able to forgive herself a small outward sign of emotion in the form of a tear when she turned to face Rick.

"She's resting comfortably," said Jean in her usual calm voice, though she had no idea how she was managing it. "The readouts I looked at from the nurse's station tell me she had a peaceful night, which is a good sign." She looked away from his intensely hopeful gaze and sighed. She turned back to him after a moment and said, "We're going to run some more tests in a little while to check on a few things."

Rick's eyes immediately narrowed in concern. "What things?" he demanded, forcing himself not to take a step towards her.

She'd been practicing for nearly an hour to tell him the small white lie she'd concocted to tell him, about how it was routine and just to make sure that the previous scans had been accurate. But looking into the clear blue eyes of Rick Hunter, she knew she had to tell him the truth.

"I want to see just how much damage has been done internally," she finally said after an eerily silent moment in which even the monitors seemed to silence. She glanced at Lisa and then took Rick by the arm and led him to the side of the room opposite Lisa. "I want to see..." she swallowed hard and tried again. "We need to make sure that…damn!"

Rick sighed and gave Jean a sad smile. "You want to see if she's going to be able to conceive again. Right?"

Jean hid her shock at his perceptiveness well. Or at least she thought she did. She realized she hadn't done as good a job as she thought when Rick looked past her to Lisa and said softly, "I've been thinking about that all morning." He sighed and looked to Jean again. "She's going to be so…distraught, that I was trying to come up with anything at all that may make it even the slightest bit better. The only thing I could come up with is that we can still try to have a family." He smiled wryly at her. "Then it hit me. You never said one way or the other whether or not we'll be able to have a baby."

"I still might not be able to tell you after I do the tests, Rick," she replied, trying to sound as neutral as possible. "It may just be too soon to tell."

Rick nodded. "Understood." He stood there for a moment, Jean still holding on to his arm, not knowing what to do or say next. "Jean…"

He stopped and both he and Jean turned towards the door as it started to slowly open inward. When the door was half open a bald head peeked around it to look to Jean and Rick.

"Sorry to interrupt, sir, ma'am," said one of the orderlies to Rick and Jean.

"Come on in, Gary," said Jean as she moved to Lisa's bedside. She reached over and connected Lisa's IV stand to the bed for transport as Gary moved in and did the same to the monitors. By the time they were finished, the bed had become a mobile hospital unit.

But Rick saw none of it. He couldn't- he didn't dare- take his eyes off of Lisa. He didn't know why, she was safe in regards to being on the base and she was going to recover, but for some reason he simply couldn't look away from her.

Jean stepped back to allow Gary to move to the head of Lisa's bed. He reached down and released the brakes that had been on and gently moved Lisa forward towards the door.

Rick had to resist the intense desire to take over and personally take Lisa where she had to go. And he probably would have if Jean hadn't stepped up beside him and put her hand on his arm. He wasn't sure if it was meant to tell him to stay where he was and let them do their job, or if it was simply a reassuring gesture of one friend to another.

Either way he appreciated it.

"Sir?"

Rick reluctantly tore his gaze from Lisa's face and looked to Gary who was regarding him sympathetically.

"We'll have her back as soon as her tests are finished," he said. He gave Rick a sure and confident nod as he added, "We'll take good care of her, sir."

Rick, despite being immensely grateful for the sentiment, could only nod in response. He looked back to Lisa, and as she passed by the door and out of sight he couldn't help but feel that she was slipping away from him.

"It's okay, Rick," assured Jean. She squeezed his arm and applied enough pressure to turn him towards her. "I know you want to be with her, but she's perfectly safe and she won't be gone long."

"I know, Jean," said Rick quietly. He glanced to the door and then looked back to her. "I don't know why…"

Jean nodded and smiled at him. "You almost lost her, Rick, that's why, but you didn't, and that's what you have to remember."

Rick managed a small smile. "Thanks, Jean."

"Anytime," his friend said sincerely. She stepped away from him and pointed to the cot. "Why don't you relax for a while? Max and Miriya should be here soon and I want to go and stay with Lisa, make sure they get the tests done as quickly as possible."

Rick glanced at the small cot and then back to Jean. "I'll try."

Jean debated trying harder to get Rick to try to rest for only a second before abandoning the idea. She could understand and appreciate what he was going through. She gave him a smile and moved to the open door, hesitating only a second before going through.

Rick stood still for a moment, trying not to think of Lisa being hauled through the infirmary corridors on a gurney.

Without him.

He turned and walked slowly over to where her bed was, the empty space the perfect metaphor for the emptiness he was feeling without Lisa near him. Fortunately he never had a lot of time to stew in those morose thoughts as a voice as familiar to him as Lisa's called to him from the doorway.

Max stood there with as serious look upon his face as Rick had ever seen on his friend.

The two men stared at each other for a moment, saying everything that needed to be said with their looks across the open space between them. In Max's eyes Rick could see his friend's deep sympathy, his profound grief and his unwavering support. And Max could easily see Rick's own grief, his sincere appreciation of Max's presence and his gratitude for the support he offered so freely and unconditionally.

It was so much clearer and simpler than the awkward words of sympathy that some would try to use, but then it was what the two of them expected, for what else could two men that were more than brothers do?

Max glanced to the cot. He wasn't surprised to see that it hadn't been slept in.

"You need to get some sleep if you're going to be any good to her," he said bluntly and with a stern look.

"I have been getting sleep," Rick responded quietly. He took a step towards the chair he'd slept in the night before and placed his right hand on its back. "Right here, next to Lisa where I belong." Max opened his mouth to say something but Rick added, "It's the only peace I can get, Max, when I touch her." Max closed his mouth and listened. "When I can't touch her, Max, I…it feels like she's gone. I know it doesn't make any sense, I mean I know she's here, but when I can touch her…"

"It makes all the difference," finished Max. He nodded, and as he moved towards the cot he said, "I understand what you're saying." He sat down on the cot and leaned back so that his back was against the wall. Rick took a moment and then turned the chair so that it faced Max and then sat down. "What can I do, Rick?"

"Rebuild," said Rick almost immediately, as though he had anticipated the question. "I need Vince to supervise the repairs of the SDF-3 until…until I can get my head into it." He shook his head slightly as he added, "I don't know when that's going to be…" Rick shook his head again. "Anyway, I need you and Mir to work with Lang and his teams to figure out this shadow tech and get us ready to use it. It's going to mean new mecha and new training. You and Miriya are the best…"

"Done," announced Max.

Rick smiled, already aware what Max's answer would be. It was then that something hit him and he stood up a little straighter and looked to the door. "Where is Miriya?"

At that Max smiled a little. "We passed Jean on the way in and she said that she was going to be with Lisa. Miriya asked if she could go too, and Jean said yes."

Rick nodded his head and smiled as well.

"What happened, Rick?" asked Max after a moment of silence. "How did this happen?"

"Edwards played us," replied Rick through clenched teeth and with a clenched fist. He took a breath to try to ease the anger that enveloped him at the thought of Edwards. "He played us from day one. He found and studied this shadow tech and managed to hide it from us. There are a lot of questions to be answered, I just…"

Max nodded as Rick trailed off into silence. "We'll figure it out, and we'll get the bastard, Rick. I promise."

And that meant something to the both of them.

"I know, old friend," said Rick quietly. "I know."

--

"I have never seen her in such a state," whispered a shocked Miriya.

She had entered the observation area behind Jean and waited for Jean to tell her to approach the window when the scanner had engaged its progression over Lisa. When she stepped forward and saw her friend she nearly screamed with rage, but she didn't. The rage boiled and seethed within her Zentraedi blood, but she would not let it boil over, not now. Before, in the shuttle, what had been done to Lisa seemed remote and unreal, and she had been unsure about how to feel or what to think. Now, looking at Lisa on the bed with the med scanner passing over her casting an eerie green glow upon her, it hit home just how close she had come to losing her best friend and how hurt she had been.

And that just pissed her off.

"Neither have I," said Jean quietly from beside her. "She always seems so strong, even when you know she's hurting or feeling anything but strong, but she finds strength somewhere." Jean sighed. "And she's gong to need to find it somewhere now more than ever."

"She WILL prevail," announced Miriya resolutely. "She will overcome this…this butchery at the hands of a traitor and she will prevail." She turned to look at Jean. "There is no doubt."

Jean smiled as she turned to look at Miriya. She gave the green haired ace a nod and turned back to the window separating them from Lisa. "No doubt."

--

"Easy does it guys," said Jean as a cautionary. The orderlies eased Lisa's bed back into its original location in her room and disconnected the IV unit and monitors from it. When they finished and left the room, Jean moved in and performed her routine once again. When she was satisfied that Lisa was okay, she turned and faced Rick. "I'm going to go and look over the test results," she said to him. "It may take a while…there's a lot of data to go over, and I want to bring in a couple of colleagues to take a look as well. It may be tomorrow before I know anything."

Rick tore his eyes from Lisa's face and looked to Jean. "Take whatever time you need, Jean," he said before looking back at Lisa.

When Jean nodded and moved towards the door Rick stepped towards Lisa's bed, reaching out and taking her hand in his when he was close enough. He heard the chair being pushed towards him and turned to give Max a nod of gratitude before sitting down. He moved his gaze up and down his wife's body, looking for any sign that her condition had changed, but she looked exactly as she had when they took her.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he sighed. "I would give anything for her to open her eyes, Max," he said.

"I know," said Max with a reassuring squeeze of Rick's shoulder. "And she will."

"It can't be soon enou…"

Rick's was sure he heard himself gasp, though he had no recollection of actually doing it. He stood up quickly, so quickly that his legs sent the chair flying backwards towards the center of the room. He heard Max and Miriya both ask him what was wrong, but he ignored them and concentrated on Lisa's right thumb, the thumb that was currently caressing the back of his hand.

Through the increasingly loud pounding in his ears that he realized was his racing heart he heard Max tell Miriya that he was going to get Jean. He leaned down towards Lisa and whispered, "Lisa. Lisa it's me." He reached his free hand over and caressed her cheek. "Come on Lisa," he implored. "Open your eyes…I know you can do it." He leaned in closer. "You're the strongest person I've ever met, Lisa…you can do this."

All of her fingers were moving now and Rick could feel the rush of adrenaline enter his bloodstream. "It's okay, Lisa. I'm here…open your eyes please." His voice had a hint of desperation to it, but he didn't care.

Jean rushed in and stepped up next to Rick, her eyes glued to the monitor.

Then it happened.

Her left eye fluttered open for a second and her mouth opened a centimeter and closed again as though she were trying to say something.

"Come on, Hayes," he said, using her maiden name and a voice that was stern as though he were giving her an order. She always hated it when he did that. "Open your eyes!"

Her left eyelid lifted again, but this time it stayed halfway up and was followed in short order by the right one.

Rick had to work very hard to keep his overwhelming joy in check. "Hey there," he said softly. "Welcome back."

Lisa's eyes closed and for a second he thought she'd gone back to sleep, but they opened again and then moved towards him. They focused in on him, did those beautiful green eyes, and after a second a smile, small and weak but a smile nonetheless, formed on her lips.

He tore his eyes away from hers long enough to glance down to their joined hands to make sure with his own eyes that her hand was squeezing his. He brought her hand up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss, then carefully settled it back down by her side on the bed.

When his eyes found hers again he said, "I thought I'd lost you this time."

Lisa's smile widened for a second. In her weakened state it was as good a hearty laugh, he knew. He saw her swallow hard and she managed to whisper hoarsely, "Not…yet."

He smiled at her and once again caressed her cheek. He was just to tell her how much he loved her when her eyes narrowed for an instant, and she then looked down the bed. Rick followed her gaze and felt his throat tighten when her left hand flexed over her now empty stomach.

For what seemed like an eternity but was only mere second, Rick was overcome by a reliving of the emotional rollercoaster that he'd been riding for the last few days.

The emotions ran through him, emotions such as the utter shock he felt at finding Kyle dead; the sheer panic that enveloped him when the SDF-3 was gutted open in space by the Regent; the helplessness that he felt as he could only sit and watch Lisa struggle to live; the profound sorrow that nearly drowned him when Jean told him of the loss of their son; the joy that went through him like a jolt of electricity at seeing Lisa open her eyes; and, of course, the unabated fury he felt towards T.R. Edwards and the Regent for causing it all.

Rick swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and slowly turned to look into her eyes and tell her the awful truth, to tell her that their baby was no longer within her. His mouth opened to say the words, but something stopped him cold.

A tear, glistening brilliantly against and in stark contrast to Lisa's pale skin was had built up in the corner of her eye as she continued looking down at her stomach. He could see the tear slowly grow bigger and bigger until it threatened to spill out onto her cheek.

Her eyes moved slowly towards him and the movement, even as minute as it was, caused the buildup of sadness to overflow and escape the confines of her eye. As the tear blazed its heartbreaking trail down her cheek, he knew that he had no need to say anything.

She knew.

He didn't know how she could know. Perhaps a bond had been in place between the woman he loved and his son from the moment of conception, or perhaps it was simply woman's intuition, or maybe she even saw his hesitation for what it was, but the tear and the look of loss in her eyes was unmistakable.

She knew.

Rick moved in closer and wiped her tear away with his thumb, and nearly cried himself when it was immediately followed by another.

Suddenly everything he had prepared himself to say fled his mind. All he could do was move up and, after gently pushing her hair back he kissed her forehead as tenderly as he knew how.

Her hand tightened around his and he whispered against her skin, "We'll be okay, Lisa. We'll get though this together." He kissed her again and said, "I love you."

And as the first sob escaped from Lisa's lips, Rick tried very hard to believe the reassuring words he just said to her.


End file.
